You’re Not Hard to Love — He’s Just Emotionally Unavailable
Tell me if this sounds familiar: You’re sitting there, clutching your phone, rereading your messages to him for the 47th time, and wondering, “Am I too much?” Girl. No. The problem is not that you’re a psychotic over-sharer with a love addiction (lol)— the problem is you’re treating a cactus like it’s a golden retriever. Of course he’s not cuddly. The man can’t even express the full range of human emotions except “meh” and “what’s for dinner.”
Can we talk about the phrase “hard to love” for a minute? Ugh. Please. Society loves to slap that label on women who want anything more than an occasional ‘sup, a half-hearted back rub, and replies that aren’t just emojis. Suddenly, you’re “difficult.” High maintenance. Drama queen. Meanwhile, Mr. Emotionally Constipated over there is being framed as mysterious or “protecting his heart.” Like, what are we protecting it from, dude? A real conversation? A shred of emotional honesty?
Let me say it louder for the delusional hope in the back: wanting to be loved properly does not make you unlovable. It just means you’re done settling for the bare minimum. You want actual affection, not just being included on the group order for Uber Eats. That’s… literally the baseline, babe.
And listen, yes, I know you’re “trying to be understanding.” We all go through it. You tell yourself he’s just “been through a lot” or “gets nervous opening up.” You write paragraphs giving him the emotional benefit of the doubt like you’re applying for sainthood. But you know what you get back? A thumbs up emoji. Maybe, MAYBE, a “haha.” Revolutionary.
You are not asking for the moon here. You want someone who asks how your day was and actually listens to your answer. Who gives you hugs without you having to hint at it 62 times. Who—brace yourself—remembers something about you that’s NOT related to when you last shaved your legs.
He can’t show up because he can’t show up. This is about his emotional scaffolding, babe. Not your worth. You could be a literal Disney princess with a Nobel Prize and he’d still be emotionally MIA. You’d be over there in your ballgown, singing about love and hope, and he’d be like, “uh yeah, haha, work was crazy today.”
Here’s the cosmic joke: You think if you just say it right, love a little harder, set yourself on fire to keep him warm, he’ll suddenly become the emotionally communicative man of your dreams. I get it. I REALLY do. But, babe. You can’t pour your magic into a paper cup with holes and then blame yourself for the mess.
Fact: If you feel “too much” next to him, you’re probably just in the wrong emotional timezone. Different countries. Different infrastructure. In his country, sharing feelings is considered a natural disaster. In yours, vulnerability is sexy as hell and honesty is non-negotiable. Stop applying for a visa, trust me.
The truth? You are not hard to love. You’re just asking to be seen, and he’s wearing emotional blackout curtains over his soul. He can’t let the light in. Doesn’t mean you’re too much. Doesn’t mean you’re delusional or needy or overbearing.
Please, for the love of all that is holy (including your own sanity), stop diluting yourself to keep a man comfortable in his emotional lockdown. Stand there in ALL your brilliance, all your loving, honest, “oh my god, I actually FEEL things and want to talk about them” glory. The right man won’t find you too much—he’ll be relieved he can finally be himself, too.
So, next time you catch yourself asking, “Am I just hard to love?” Slam that thought down like a shot of tequila at 2am. Girl, you are not hard to love. He’s just emotionally unavailable. Next! 🚩
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