You’re Not Asking for Too Much — You’re Asking the Wrong Person

You’re Not Asking for Too Much — You’re Asking the Wrong Person

Let’s just get this out of the way: You’re not “intense.” You’re not “too much.” You’re not this fire-breathing, needy banshee your last situationship made you out to be. But guess what, babe? Some people will have you believing you’re asking for Beyoncé-level luxury when all you wanted was a “good morning” text and someone who remembers your lactose intolerance.

And before you rush to edit your own emotional resume — STOP. Pause. Why are you traumatized by your own standards? Since when did wanting respect become “high-maintenance”? Asking for honesty — is that extreme now? Since when did “Do you actually like me or am I a placeholder until Cassidy from your gym DMs you back?” become a hardball question? LOL.

I get it. We’ve all been that girl, staring at our phone, scrolling through toxic dating advice, thinking maybe, just maybe, if we stopped double texting, or pretended not to care, or shrank ourselves down to “chill” size, he’d finally see us as girlfriend material and not just Wednesday night plans. Ugh. Please. Let me save you some screen time and emotional labor: you could literally ask for a glass of water in a desert and the wrong person would tell you you’re parched and demand you apologize for it.

I remember this one guy. Let’s call him Chad, because of course his name was Chad. I asked him—very gently, I might add—if we could make plans further in advance. Like, I’m not asking for a blood oath. Just something more concrete than “I’ll let you know tonight if I’m free.” You would’ve thought I’d demanded access to the Pentagon. His response? “Whoa, you’re really intense about plans.” Intense?! Chad, I plan my grocery list weeks in advance and I don’t even *like* myself that much.

But here’s the twist: The second you meet someone who isn’t emotionally illiterate, watch how suddenly none of your “needs” are dramatic or “too much.” You want regular check-ins? “Sure, babe.” You need reassurance? “No problem.” You’re creepy about holiday plans in October? “That’s sweet, let’s book a cabin.” Suddenly, your “intense” is their “normal.” Your “neediness” is their basic human decency. Amazing what a functioning person can do.

Honestly, asking the wrong person is like trying to get tech support from your cat. You’re just gonna get blank stares and maybe some weird attitude. And the problem is not your standards—it’s WHERE you’re cashing them in. Some people just don’t have the emotional currency. Or the time. Or the interest. And that’s not a reflection of YOUR value; that’s a “delete contact” opportunity.

So. You THINK you’re “too much” because Chad told you so after your fourth request for clarity on what the hell you’re doing here. Nah. Chad is “too little.” Your ex was “too bland.” That situationship? “Too emotionally constipated.” You are exactly as much as you should be.

Here’s the soundbite you need tattooed on your brain: What feels like “too much” for the wrong person will feel effortless for the right one. Remember that when you’re tempted to shrink. Unlearn that weird sense of embarrassment for wanting things like affection, commitment, or — God forbid — a reply to your text that has more syllables than “k.”

And if anyone makes you feel like your standards are Everest, remind yourself: only climb for mountain men, not dudes with pebble energy.

Final thought: You’re not a lot. THEY’RE just not enough. Pass the fries and the red wine; we’re celebrating your standards tonight, not apologizing for them. Cheers.