Why You’re Not “Too Much” — He’s Just Not Enough

Why You’re Not “Too Much” — He’s Just Not Enough

Can we just call out the absolute nonsense that is a man telling you you’re “too much”? I mean, how did that even become a catchphrase? Was there some secret male summit where they agreed that “you’re too much” would be their go-to for every woman who dared to show a molecule of personality, or (God forbid) have an opinion? Ugh.

Let me be clear: you are not too much. You are, maybe, too much for *him*. But that’s not your fault. That’s not your shame to carry around like some sad little tote bag of emotional baggage.

Here’s the truth no one prints on a cute coffee mug: When someone says you’re too much, what they actually mean is, “I am not enough.” They don’t have the range, babe. They’re not up for the challenge of a woman who knows who she is. They want a goldfish, not a shark. They want a decorative houseplant—Water every so often, keep quiet, and look nice by the window. Not a rainforest that comes with lightning storms and wild orchids and actual personality.

It’s easy to buy into it. We’re marinated in a culture that shames women for being “too loud,” “too emotional,” “too ambitious,” “too passionate”—or, my personal favorite, “too complicated.” But God forbid you’re the human version of a plain rice cracker, because then you’re “boring.” The bar is buried somewhere in the Mariana Trench.

Here’s a question: have you ever actually met a woman who’s “too much”? Or have you just met a woman who refuses to dim her light so a man can feel taller? Babe, you’re not fireworks in a library. You’re fireworks at the festival, and if he can’t handle it, maybe he belongs at the library. By himself. Reading “Emotional Intelligence for Dummies.”

Let’s break it down. You laugh too loud, you talk too much, you want too many things, your dreams are too big, your feelings are “a lot.” Right? Maybe he just hasn’t met a woman who expects him to actually show up. Emotionally. Consistently. In the group chat of life, he’s the dude who leaves everything on “read.” That’s not a you problem. That’s a lack of stamina on his part.

Imagine someone telling Picasso he uses too many colors. Sorry, what? Or telling Beyoncé she should really “tone it down.” Lol. Never. Picasso would paint their entire house neon orange out of spite. Beyoncé would drop another album just to remind the world who runs the world (hint: not Steve from Tinder).

Let’s also not forget, the “too much” label is wildly convenient for someone who doesn’t want to admit they’re intimidated. Yes, I said it. Your sparkle, your standards, your no-BS boundaries—those things make certain men nervous in their little Nike socks. Wouldn’t you rather keep your shine than shrink for someone who can’t even keep up with your stories, let alone your dreams?

So next time some guy (or even that mean-girl voice in your own head) tries to hand you the “you’re too much” sticker, slap it right back on him. “Sorry, babe, I’m not too much. Maybe you’re just… not enough for me. Good luck to you though!” Then exit the scene with big main character energy. It’s 2024. If you have to dial yourself down, you’re on the wrong number.

The absolute truth? The right person will never ask you to shrink. He’ll look at your “too much” and think it’s not nearly enough; he’ll want more. Until then, stay wild, stay loud, and stay beautifully, blissfully “too much.” For the boys who can’t keep up—oh well.