Attention vs. Affection: Stop Falling for Breadcrumbs
Do you know what’s worse than getting ghosted after three months? Waking up and realizing you spent those three months confusing attention with affection. Yeah, let’s get this tattooed somewhere visible. Because honestly, if I had a dollar for every time I let some guy who double-tapped my IG story make me think he genuinely cared, I’d finally be able to afford all the therapy I need.
Let’s break it down. Attention is *easy*. It is lazy. That’s why we’re all drowning in it — hearts, likes, fire emojis, and the random “hey” at 2am when he can’t sleep (or, let’s be real, when he just got home from the club and his other options fell through 🙃). Affection, however, is a straight-up endangered species. Attention is when he remembers you exist. Affection is when he makes sure *you know* you matter.
Attention is a ping. A nudge. The bare minimum — like putting “wishing you happy bday” in his calendar so he can copy-paste the message he sent his ex in 2017. Affection is present. Affection shows up with soup when you’re sick, brings coffee because you had a rough day, and listens to your 20-minute rant about Becky from accounting like it’s a BBC drama.
Trust me: anyone can give attention. Even your grocery store loyalty app gives you attention. Think about that.
But affection? Affection is rare because it requires time, vulnerability, and yes, sometimes an actual plan. Affection is what keeps relationships going when life hits the fan and your waterproof mascara loses the fight. Attention, on the other hand, evaporates the second things get ugly, boring, or require any effort. It flirts with you when you post a new selfie, but vanishes when you need a ride to the airport.
Here’s the dangerous part: We get programmed to chase attention and mistake it for the real thing, mostly because it feels good for 2.4 seconds and distracts from the fact that Becky *is* getting promoted over you (again). Social media makes attention look like the main event. Instagram reels will have you believe “he double-tapped my gym selfie, so basically we’re in love.” Sorry, hun. If all it takes is a like to get you feeling special, then I have a bridge to sell you.
You’re not desperate for attention — you’re starved for affection. It’s like eating spoonfuls of sugar when what you actually need is a steak dinner and some vegetables. Sugar keeps you going for a minute, but then you crash, and suddenly you’re googling “why do men.” Sugar is cheap. Nutrition is real. Substitute affection for attention long enough and you’ll forget what the good stuff even tastes like.
It matters because you’re not an option. You’re not a background tab open on someone’s phone, waiting for them to remember you when they’re bored at Walgreens. You are a *whole person*, worthy of things that take effort, intention, and actual damn affection.
So, next time someone pops up with a “u up?” or leaves a heart-eye emoji under your photo like it’s some declaration of love, ask yourself: Is this attention, or is this affection? Does this person know your favorite tea or just your zodiac sign? Are they texting you because they want to, or because nobody else replied first?
Girl, it’s 2024. We are not collecting breadcrumbs anymore. If it’s not affection, let it go. There are better things coming — and spoiler: they love you with their whole damn chest, not just their quick fingers.
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