Stop Falling for Potential and Start Choosing Reality
Look, babes, I know you’ve done it. Hell, I’ve done it. We see a man who is 70% work-in-progress and 30% late-night poet, and we’re suddenly the CEO of HGTV’s “Extreme Makeover: Boyfriend Edition.” Why? Because somewhere between The Notebook and our mothers warning us that “men are simple creatures,” we started thinking we’re the fairy godmother with a PhD in Potential.
But here’s the cold, probably overdue iced coffee truth: Potential is a scam. A nicely wrapped, emotionally manipulative, time-wasting scam. And you need to stop shopping for projects when what you need is a partner.
Let’s paint the scene. He’s sweet. To you, anyway. You see hints of ambition when he’s not three whiskeys deep, talking about how he “could totally start a business” or “has SO many ideas.” He texts back… sometimes. He’s nice to your friends… if you harass him about it long enough. Maybe one day he’ll actually read that book on self-awareness he keeps posting on his Insta stories. Maybe.
You don’t want him. You want the man he *could* be… if you rearranged your entire personality, became his personal motivational speaker, and aged five years waiting for him to wake up to his “potential.” Bless your exhausted, hopeful heart.
I’m not judging. I swear. I used to keep an emotional toolbox in my bag anytime I went on a date. You know, in case he needed some personality grouting or a complete value system renovation. I was one emotional tile away from just laying down and installing myself as girlfriend/contractor/therapist. It’s a disease.
But you can’t build intimacy out of blueprints and daydreams. You build it from—wait for it—actual evidence. Things that are real. Choices his grown ass is making *right now.* Not what he promises. Not what you think he can be if you find the magic cheat code.
Men will show you who they are, daily. And if all you see are vibes that need improvement, that’s not your cue to get out your Work Boots of Hope. It is your cue to bounce.
Listen, the only “potential” you should be dealing with is the potential your Wi-Fi has to stop working when you need it most. Not the potential of a man whose greatest relationship skill is treating you as his unpaid life coach while he does literally nothing to change.
You deserve a man who meets you at your level. Who’s grown. Who, when he says, “I want to be better,” is already in therapy or at least thinking about maybe talking to a *real* therapist. Not a man who looks at you expectantly every time you ask about plans, as if he thinks you’re going to organize his entire life, too.
Reality is what you wake up to every morning. That’s who you’ll argue with, share a bathroom with, trust with your fears. So WHY are you putting your happiness on layaway, babe, hoping the man will finally download the latest software update and become the boyfriend you always knew he “could” be?
You cannot do his emotional push-ups for him, no matter how motivational your playlist is. You cannot outlove someone’s lack of self-awareness. The work is his. The choosing? That’s (thank God) all yours.
So next time you’re listening to another grown-ass man romanticize his “potential,” remember: you are not a motivational TED Talk with boobs. You’re a queen with standards and (let’s be honest) better things to do.
Choose the man showing up. Not the one hiding behind pretty promises and endless potential. Reality isn’t as shiny, but you can actually touch it. And he, for the record, can touch (and deserve) you.
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