It’s not neediness — it’s lack of reciprocity

It’s not neediness — it’s lack of reciprocity

You know what I’m chronically tired of? Being called “needy” for asking for the bare minimum. Like, sorry I want a “good morning” text, not a pigeon with a scroll that might never arrive. Radical of me, I know.

Let’s get something straight: wanting effort from someone you’re *dating* is not a wild, desperate demand. You’re not asking him to send flowers to your office every hour. You’re not asking him to wake up at 2AM and serenade you through your window (though, if you are, honestly, live your best romcom fantasy). You’re asking him to show you—oh, I don’t know—that you actually matter.

But the world, and by “the world” I mean people who benefit from your energy without giving it back, will gaslight you real quick. “You’re too much. Why do you need so much attention?” Babe. Because I have basic self-respect and I like being treated like a human being, not an Amazon order he keeps forgetting to pick up at the post office.

If you ever find yourself biting your tongue because you don’t want to seem too “demanding” by bringing up that he hasn’t called you back in three days—wait. Pause. Let’s review. You’re not needy. You just notice the imbalance. If he answered your energy with the same energy, this wouldn’t even be a topic.

Imagine you’re sending double texts because the last one you sent was three business days ago. Your heart races. Should you “let it go”? Will you seem obsessed? Should you just write “lol” and pretend you’re cool with being ignored like a spam call? No. Because you’re not needy. You just want some basic acknowledgement that you exist outside of his moments of boredom.

Can I be brutally honest? A lot of people out there want relationship perks without the effort—like they’re at a sample table in the grocery store, snacking without actually buying anything. That’s not love. That’s Costco freeloading. You want more. You deserve more.

When you start to feel “clingy” or annoying because you want texts, intentions, or plans, remind yourself: you’re not the problem. Reciprocity is sexy as hell, but sadly rare. What’s actually wild is expecting you to pour yourself out into a black hole and smile politely while you do it.

I know why you hesitate to speak up. You’re told women are always “too emotional” or “hard to please.” Yeah, okay. Try screwing in a light bulb with tears of frustration because someone keeps overlooking you. This isn’t rocket science, it’s basic “I-like-you-do-you-like-me-back” playground etiquette.

The next time someone tries to slap you with the “needy” label, serve it right back. Ask: What exactly am I asking for that’s so outrageous? Is it your presence? A reply? For you to be a grown ass person and follow through with what you say you’ll do? Revolutionary, truly.

Let’s retire “needy” and talk about what’s really happening: you’re aware of your worth. Wanting effort and consistency is a red flag only to people who want to give you the bare minimum. Sorry, but I’m not looking to spoon-feed anyone their manners.

And trust me, when you find the person who matches your energy? You’ll never feel needy again. You’ll just feel… seen. Cared for. Like, ah, this is what it’s supposed to feel like when two people give a damn.

So here’s your permission slip to ask for more. Expect more. Because it’s not neediness, babe. It’s called having standards. And anyone who tries to make you feel bad about that can go be unbothered by themselves, preferably far, far away from your phone.